the beau brummels-had a song called "the wolf of velvet fortune"
Beausoleil-mardis gras kind of creeps me out.
The Beautiful South-No one in this country ever heard them.
Be-Bop Deluxe-They liked David Bowie
Beck-He is the only person in the world who can say "My mom's band 'Black Fag' opened for me in the early '90s."
Jeff Beck-guitars suck.
The Bee Gees-They wrote the theme to the Grease movie. It works for me.
Adrian Belew-He played on my dad's favorite Zappa record, which might make it the worst Zappa record, but nevertheless...this fella played on it.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
dictionary
The Bar-keys-they died with ottis redding.
Syd Barrett-He took drugs.
Basehead-Someone compared this fella to Lou Reed. They were liars.
Basia-It's kind of like music if actual music didn't exist, or something.
Bauhaus-Love and Rockets were better.
Bay City Rollers-The only attractive Scottish folks ever.
The Beach Boys-Brian Wilson was/is a person.
Beastie Boys-I'm not so sure they're always telling the truth.
The Beatles-They were a band.
Syd Barrett-He took drugs.
Basehead-Someone compared this fella to Lou Reed. They were liars.
Basia-It's kind of like music if actual music didn't exist, or something.
Bauhaus-Love and Rockets were better.
Bay City Rollers-The only attractive Scottish folks ever.
The Beach Boys-Brian Wilson was/is a person.
Beastie Boys-I'm not so sure they're always telling the truth.
The Beatles-They were a band.
Monday, October 12, 2009
encyclopedia
Babes in Toyland-If Courtney Love never got so fucking terrible she'd be the first three Babes in Toyland records.
The Babys-They broke up, formed Bad English, and bummed me out.
Bachman Turner Overdrive-Randy Bachman helped write American Woman for the Guess Who, Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet and Takin' Care of Business with BTO. He is everyone's uncle ever.
Backstreet Boys-Shit happens. Whatevs.
Bad Brains-I'm glad they are in this book.
Bad Company-Everything they sung about was a lie. Everything.
Badfinger-Just like Joy Division, but with choruses.
Erykah Badu-"I'm getting tired of your shit, you don't never buy me nothin'"
Joan Baez-Her and Bob Dylan loved each other, but no one ever knew about it.
Anita Baker-One of the last people to have an actual voice.
Ginger Baker-Played shitty drum solos.
Lavern Baker-Recorded a dope version of "See See Rider".
John Baldry-He narrated a Winnie the Pooh readalong tape.
Hank Ballard-Wrote "the twist" and sung about getting laid.
Afrika Baambaataa-Invented awesome shit.
Bananarama-They wrote the song that plays on the radio that Daniel gets into a fight with Johnny Lawrence over in the first Karate Kid.
The Band-Responsible for Dylan becoming a sarcastic dick, Cream breaking up, and a bunch of mediocre bands making better records. They fucking ruled. I hum their organ parts all of the time.
The Bangles-Imagine going to see them back when they were huge and sitting through songs that weren't Manic Monday, or Walk Like An Egyptian.
The Barbarians-The best shit ever.
Barclay James Harvest-Darren Nanos' favorite band.
Barenaked Ladies-I think one of them had a goatee.
The Babys-They broke up, formed Bad English, and bummed me out.
Bachman Turner Overdrive-Randy Bachman helped write American Woman for the Guess Who, Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet and Takin' Care of Business with BTO. He is everyone's uncle ever.
Backstreet Boys-Shit happens. Whatevs.
Bad Brains-I'm glad they are in this book.
Bad Company-Everything they sung about was a lie. Everything.
Badfinger-Just like Joy Division, but with choruses.
Erykah Badu-"I'm getting tired of your shit, you don't never buy me nothin'"
Joan Baez-Her and Bob Dylan loved each other, but no one ever knew about it.
Anita Baker-One of the last people to have an actual voice.
Ginger Baker-Played shitty drum solos.
Lavern Baker-Recorded a dope version of "See See Rider".
John Baldry-He narrated a Winnie the Pooh readalong tape.
Hank Ballard-Wrote "the twist" and sung about getting laid.
Afrika Baambaataa-Invented awesome shit.
Bananarama-They wrote the song that plays on the radio that Daniel gets into a fight with Johnny Lawrence over in the first Karate Kid.
The Band-Responsible for Dylan becoming a sarcastic dick, Cream breaking up, and a bunch of mediocre bands making better records. They fucking ruled. I hum their organ parts all of the time.
The Bangles-Imagine going to see them back when they were huge and sitting through songs that weren't Manic Monday, or Walk Like An Egyptian.
The Barbarians-The best shit ever.
Barclay James Harvest-Darren Nanos' favorite band.
Barenaked Ladies-I think one of them had a goatee.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Encyclopedia
Arrow-He wrote "hot, hot, hot." Then David Johansen sung it. You could even have dinner with it.
Art Ensemble of Chicago-Intelligent folks. Listen to them.
Art of Noise-It's supposed to be an avant-garde take on classical composers with ideals taken from the futurist movement. Which apparently sounds exactly like what you'd hear in the background of a Pizza Hut commercial in 1989.
Ashford and Simpson-The creepiest record covers.
Asia-Proof that punk didn't work.
Asleep at the Wheel-Western swing music. Western. Swing. Music.
The Association-They were romantic while owning mutton chops.
Chet Atkins-He was great at guitar, but wasn't a dick about it. Few folks can say that.
Atlanta Rhythm Section-Indecision was apparently spooky to them.
Brian Auger-He was great at things that don't matter.
Frankie Avalon-He threw beach parties. A lot.
Average White Band-Their drummer died from heroin by accident. Because that's an actual thing.
Kevin Ayers-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-C2Ar4gpi8
Roy Ayers-Not related to Kevin Ayers.
Aztec Camera-Your older sister likes them.
onto the b's tomorrow.
Art Ensemble of Chicago-Intelligent folks. Listen to them.
Art of Noise-It's supposed to be an avant-garde take on classical composers with ideals taken from the futurist movement. Which apparently sounds exactly like what you'd hear in the background of a Pizza Hut commercial in 1989.
Ashford and Simpson-The creepiest record covers.
Asia-Proof that punk didn't work.
Asleep at the Wheel-Western swing music. Western. Swing. Music.
The Association-They were romantic while owning mutton chops.
Chet Atkins-He was great at guitar, but wasn't a dick about it. Few folks can say that.
Atlanta Rhythm Section-Indecision was apparently spooky to them.
Brian Auger-He was great at things that don't matter.
Frankie Avalon-He threw beach parties. A lot.
Average White Band-Their drummer died from heroin by accident. Because that's an actual thing.
Kevin Ayers-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-C2Ar4gpi8
Roy Ayers-Not related to Kevin Ayers.
Aztec Camera-Your older sister likes them.
onto the b's tomorrow.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Encyclopedia
The Animals-See see rider is a great song.
Paul Anka-Sung "My Way" before Frank Sinatra.
Anthrax-I'm the Man and I braided my beard, or My braided beard got caught in a mosh, or They owned wireless guitars.
Aphex Twin-dancing for nerds.
Fiona Apple-She had a record with a really long title.
The Archies-They didn't exist.
Rod Argent-He played keyboard for the Zombies. He wrote God Gave Rock and Roll To You, but Kiss was better at playing it.
Joan Armatrading-Her, herself and she wanted 19 cars.
Arrested Development-They're the reason I knew who Sly Stone was in middle school.
Paul Anka-Sung "My Way" before Frank Sinatra.
Anthrax-I'm the Man and I braided my beard, or My braided beard got caught in a mosh, or They owned wireless guitars.
Aphex Twin-dancing for nerds.
Fiona Apple-She had a record with a really long title.
The Archies-They didn't exist.
Rod Argent-He played keyboard for the Zombies. He wrote God Gave Rock and Roll To You, but Kiss was better at playing it.
Joan Armatrading-Her, herself and she wanted 19 cars.
Arrested Development-They're the reason I knew who Sly Stone was in middle school.
encyclopedia
Amazing Rhythm Aces-They won a grammy once.
Ambrosia-King Crimson for moms.
Amen Corner-The nickname for the eleventh, twelfth, and thirteen holes at Augusta, where the annual Masters major golf tournament is held. Also a band who The Small Faces were better than.
America-Not good at all, but kind of great. They played Jesse Ventura's inaguration as Minnesota governor.
The American Breed-They played "bend me, shape me" when Kevin Arnold sees a girl in a skirt for the first time on the Wonder Years, or something like that.
American Music Club-oh my god, i can't believe you've never heard them. they are like so good. sooooo good. i'll put them on a mix tape for you and we'll drive to the beach at night. or sit in a coffee house. whatever you want to do. anything you want to do...out of those two things.
Tori Amos-The first time I ever heard "shut up" in a song was her I'm pretty sure. She had that chump from tool singing on one of her songs. All the assholes got psyched about it.
Eric Andersen-People moved to Greenwich Village in the '60s.
John Anderson-My grandmother loved George Jones' cover of his song "Girl at the End of the Bar"
Laurie Anderson-hi mom. ha ha ha ho ho ho.
The Angels-They rerecorded "My Boyfriend's Back" last year, thus completely negating any worth they had.
Ambrosia-King Crimson for moms.
Amen Corner-The nickname for the eleventh, twelfth, and thirteen holes at Augusta, where the annual Masters major golf tournament is held. Also a band who The Small Faces were better than.
America-Not good at all, but kind of great. They played Jesse Ventura's inaguration as Minnesota governor.
The American Breed-They played "bend me, shape me" when Kevin Arnold sees a girl in a skirt for the first time on the Wonder Years, or something like that.
American Music Club-oh my god, i can't believe you've never heard them. they are like so good. sooooo good. i'll put them on a mix tape for you and we'll drive to the beach at night. or sit in a coffee house. whatever you want to do. anything you want to do...out of those two things.
Tori Amos-The first time I ever heard "shut up" in a song was her I'm pretty sure. She had that chump from tool singing on one of her songs. All the assholes got psyched about it.
Eric Andersen-People moved to Greenwich Village in the '60s.
John Anderson-My grandmother loved George Jones' cover of his song "Girl at the End of the Bar"
Laurie Anderson-hi mom. ha ha ha ho ho ho.
The Angels-They rerecorded "My Boyfriend's Back" last year, thus completely negating any worth they had.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
encyclopedia
Rolling Stone has a giant book called The Encyclopedia of Rock and Roll. I was given the Third Edition for Christmas a few years back. I have decided to provide my own entry for each one in the book. Summer vacation is over. This will update at least once a week from now till the end of time.
Abba-I know a lot of words to a lot of Abba songs. Abba is kind of fucking great. People look at me funny when I say that. I tell everyone that my mom used to listen to their records whenever she cleaned the house. I tell everyone I just picked it up from being a little kid and cleaning with my mom. This is a lie. Muriel's Wedding is a good movie.
ABC-Like Roxy Music and Heaven 17 if they were terrible.
Paula Abdul-She rapped with a cat, or a fox, or a cat with sunglasses.
Ac/Dc-The best band to jog to of all time. Bon Scott died.
Johnny Ace-Harvey Keitel is a big fan.
Roy Acuff-Taught Hank Williams some tricks. Did yo-yo tricks.
Adam and the Ants-When I was a kid I would see the video for Goody Two Shoes and I thought it was making fun of Michael Jackson. I thought the whole song was some kind of Michael Jackson diss because Adam Ant's "romantic pirate" outfits looked like Michael Jackson's "michael jackson" outfits.
Bryan Adams-Canadian. Kind of looks like Luke Skywalker. His band in high school broke up because Jody got married. If he sees a fence, he will hop over it.
King Sunny Ade-Like Bob Marley sans beer pong, tribal tattoos, and the description "he's like totally like deep, right?"
Aerosmith-They wrote a song called Dude Looks Like A Lady. None of them are virgins.
Christina Aguilera-She got married once.
a-ha-Really shitty ska bands covered them.
Air-People really liked The Virgin Suicides. Jarvis Cocker sings on some of their songs.
Air Supply-It isn't funny, dickhead.
Alabama-They wrote a song about minor league baseball. No one liked it.
The Alarm-They never have their songs on karaoke lists.
Arthur Alexander-Everyone great covered him.
Alice in Chains-Sucked.
Lee Allen-Dude played with Fats Domino and Little Richard.
Luther Allison-He had a band called the rolling stones before Mick Jagger did.
Mose Allison-He used the words "yakkin'" and "dames" in a song.
The Allman Brothers Band-Like the Band, but boring and mediocre. They played guitars. A bunch of even boringer, mediocre-er jackasses play with them these days.
Herb Alpert-My mother's mother would shred to a tape of his.
Abba-I know a lot of words to a lot of Abba songs. Abba is kind of fucking great. People look at me funny when I say that. I tell everyone that my mom used to listen to their records whenever she cleaned the house. I tell everyone I just picked it up from being a little kid and cleaning with my mom. This is a lie. Muriel's Wedding is a good movie.
ABC-Like Roxy Music and Heaven 17 if they were terrible.
Paula Abdul-She rapped with a cat, or a fox, or a cat with sunglasses.
Ac/Dc-The best band to jog to of all time. Bon Scott died.
Johnny Ace-Harvey Keitel is a big fan.
Roy Acuff-Taught Hank Williams some tricks. Did yo-yo tricks.
Adam and the Ants-When I was a kid I would see the video for Goody Two Shoes and I thought it was making fun of Michael Jackson. I thought the whole song was some kind of Michael Jackson diss because Adam Ant's "romantic pirate" outfits looked like Michael Jackson's "michael jackson" outfits.
Bryan Adams-Canadian. Kind of looks like Luke Skywalker. His band in high school broke up because Jody got married. If he sees a fence, he will hop over it.
King Sunny Ade-Like Bob Marley sans beer pong, tribal tattoos, and the description "he's like totally like deep, right?"
Aerosmith-They wrote a song called Dude Looks Like A Lady. None of them are virgins.
Christina Aguilera-She got married once.
a-ha-Really shitty ska bands covered them.
Air-People really liked The Virgin Suicides. Jarvis Cocker sings on some of their songs.
Air Supply-It isn't funny, dickhead.
Alabama-They wrote a song about minor league baseball. No one liked it.
The Alarm-They never have their songs on karaoke lists.
Arthur Alexander-Everyone great covered him.
Alice in Chains-Sucked.
Lee Allen-Dude played with Fats Domino and Little Richard.
Luther Allison-He had a band called the rolling stones before Mick Jagger did.
Mose Allison-He used the words "yakkin'" and "dames" in a song.
The Allman Brothers Band-Like the Band, but boring and mediocre. They played guitars. A bunch of even boringer, mediocre-er jackasses play with them these days.
Herb Alpert-My mother's mother would shred to a tape of his.
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