Friday, May 15, 2009

Letters that are fun to think of existing

Dear Dark Man,

Do you still say "somethin' new," before you perform the Ruff Ryder's Anthem? Also, what's with the duct tape and rape stuff?

A concerned citizen

ps. I have not bounced in a long time. It was good to do it again. Thanks for that.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

reviews of things

The Bouncing Souls 20th Anniversary Tour
At The Crazy Donkey

I wasn't going to go to this show. After working all day, I decided it might be fun to see a show that some people I like might be hanging out at. I called the Crazy Donkey to see if it was sold out. It was not sold out. I fed my dog, found my sneakers, and headed over to the show.
When I pulled into the parking lot this fella wearing one of those shitty black hats all the kids wear signaled for me to roll down my window. I rolled down my window. "It's five dollars to park today," said this fella wearing one of those shitty black hats all the kids wear. I asked, "Is it sold out?" I did not really want to pay five dollars to be told by some other fella wearing one of those shitty black hats that I couldn't even get into the show. The parking lot fella wearing one of those shitty black hats all the kids wear sort of rolled his eyes as if to say, "There's no fucking way this show is going to sell out, this kid is a chump." He then said to me, "There's no fucking way this show is going to sell out, chump." I paid him five dollars and drove my car through the official parking lot, past a fence, onto a gravel pit covered in gravel, weeds, sticks, and broken beer bottles. This was the "special event" parking area.
Four different cars were blasting the Bro Hymn by Pennywise as I exited my car and walked back to the venue. I paid a lady with streaks in her hair twenty American dollars. I was asked by a security guard to empty the contents of my pockets and spread my arms out. This guard inspected my cell phone, cigarettes, lighter, and wallet. He then patted me down fairly thoroughly. I was wearing an old, faded New York Mets hat. The security guard removed this hat from my head to make sure I was not hiding drugs, weapons, or drug/weapon combos underneath it. It sucked because I don't have the best hair in general and it had been under a hat for about an hour and there's not much of it left to begin with. He took that hat off and it was all over the place and weird. Two other security guards snickered.
After getting my hat back I walked in and said hello to the people I knew there. I shook hands. I hugged. I said "hey, what's up?" to at least six people, possibly more. Some band was playing. Then some other band played. My brother and his friend showed up. We laughed at shit. I drank certain beverages. My brother is a fan of The Loved Ones and I am a fan of possible Joe Strummer covers; so we headed inside the venue to watch The Loved Ones. The Loved Ones had arranged it so that the song "Rainy Day Women #12 and #35" by Bob Dylan played over the PA system while they walked onstage. Right as Dylan finished the line "everybody must get stoned." The Loved Ones began playing their instruments. They began playing their songs shortly thereafter.
I don't know much about The Loved Ones besides the fact that they cover Springsteen and Joe Strummer. Their songs weren't half bad. A couple of kids started running into each other so I started running in place. A couple of kids didn't like that so I started doing push-ups. Another kid started doing push-ups. A kid tried to pick my legs up while I was doing push-ups, but I kicked at him and he stopped. I started doing push-ups again. I got bored with doing push-ups. I started doing jumping jacks. A couple of kids grabbed me and said, "This is hilarious man, right on." A couple of other kids grabbed me and said, "You're a fucking faggot." The singer of The Loved Ones said, "We're going to do a cover song's by one of my favorite songwriters of all time, Conor Oberst." Considering The Loved Ones cover Springsteen and Joe Strummer and listen to Bob Dylan when they walk onstage, this choice of cover and statement makes no sense to me. I rubbed my stomach while patting myself on the head for a little bit. Then I switched hands. Some kid kept trying to knock my hat off of my head. I was not going to have my dreaded scalp exposed again. This kid did not succeed. Some other kid "moshed" into me on "accident" and the hat knocking kid high fived him. I walked closer to them and laughed hysterically. The mosher kid shoved me. It was funny. Some kids pulled him away from me and told him not to stoop to my level. I have no clue what my level is.
After all that, The Bouncing Souls played a whole bunch of songs. They did a slowed down cover of The Misfits' "Hybrid Moments." They covered The Cure. They played all of the old songs you could want to hear. Their singer sure looks really drunk whenever I see them. I like them.