Thursday, December 9, 2010

letters that are fun to imagine existing

dear mr. biafra,

do you mind adding a few "don't"s, or "let's not"s to that one song where you repeatedly say "kill, kill, kill, kill, kill the poor."?

the poor

Friday, November 5, 2010

real kids games

American Sports Moments Retold By Monty From Major League

Team USA won last night.

They're going to let a fella named Jackie Robinson play baseball.

The Jets won the super bowl.

Branca hung one, Thompson took him deep.

Fly ball to Willie Mays, caught.

Notre Dame beat Army 12-6.

Wilt Chamberlain is very good. The Knicks are not.

John Wooden won games.

Don Larsen gets the "W".

Doug Flutie drops back, throws, the ball is caught.

Joseph Montana threw the american football to Dwight Clark. Clark caught it.

Franco Harris records the touchdown reception.

Ray Knight scores, Mookie reaches first safely.

Desmond Howard scores.

David Tyree on the catch, that's good for a first down.

Csonka drops the ball. Edwards scores.

Team USA lost last night.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

letters that are fun to imagine existing

Dear David James Havok,

I'm sorry you're always burning.

Miss you,

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

letters that are fun to imagine existing

Dear Joey,

We're going to dispense with the pleasantries on this one...cutting right to the ol' chase here. We've done a lot of shit over the years. We've really messed some folks up. We're not exactly a publicist's dream. We have an agenda. We're sticking to it, come what may. We're up to our necks in bad vibes and jail time from things we've actually done. We don't need false accusations flying in our faces on top of everything else. We did not, nor will we ever try to take your baby away. It's not our damned fault your long haired buddy sweet talked your girlfriend. It's got nothing to do with us.


Monday, September 6, 2010

everything sucks interview

A fella named Vova interviewed me via email for a zine he's doing in Russia. It was an interesting little thing to do. I'd like to see the translated version at some point.

Introduce you and your band at first.
My name is Matthew. I sing in the band. Our bass player's name is Chris. Burt plays guitar. Darren plays drums.

Where did you get your name?

The name of our band comes from a record by a band called The Descendents. They have an album called Everything Sucks. It has always been one of my favorites since I first heard it, and as a phrase on its own I think "everything sucks" sums up many aspects of life nicely. It's negative, but in such a way that it's almost comical I feel.

How old are you?

I am 27 years old. I will be 28 soon. All the band members are around my age, Burt is a few years older.

Do you go to school?

I am back in college after a long time off. I spent four years taking care of my grandparents and working full time management positions. After they passed away, I quit my job to go back to school full time.

Do you Skate?
I am terrible at skating, but a lot of folks I know are great at it. I know a lot of people get into punk and hardcore through skateboard culture. Darren is a highly accomplished roller blader. He always wants to play hockey.

When you are decided to come together and start to play? when was first repetition and how it was? Did you play in any other bands before ES.
Darren and I had been friends for a long time. We played in a band called Legs Up together. Legs Up almost toured a few times, but problems with our van and our regular lives prevented us from doing so full time. After Legs Up broke up, Darren and I kept talking about wanting to do another band. I had met Burt in a Shakespeare's tragedies english class at community college. Burt was in a band called Irony of Lightfoot when he was very young. One of the first shows I remember going to was to see Irony of Lightfoot play. Chris was my younger brother's best friend. I also worked with Chris at a record store. Darren and I asked Burt to come and jam with us. We invited Chris also. It was odd at first, trying to channel the ideas we had in our heads about what the band should sound like into actual songs. Burt got frustrated and started hammering out this pretty cool riff. Darren started playing along with it. Before we knew it...we had our first song. We quickly wrote a few more that incorporated different musical ideas and influences.

Tell about your and other members music tastes.

We're all into a lot of different bands and performers. Burt's favorite singer is Bjork. Burt and I have gone to see Morrissey together a number of times. Chris is a big fan of a lot of melodic hardcore and pop punk bands. He also likes a great deal of indie rock from the '90s such as Pavement and Archers of Loaf. Darren is very knowledgeable when it comes to old school hip hop. He used to have a hip hop group in high school. They performed at my eighteenth birthday party. Lately I have been listening to Silkworm, The Future of the Left, Ink and Dagger, The Silver Jews, and the soundtrack to the film La Bamba. I just recently got the Pavement vinyl reissue of Brighten the Corners with so many extra tracks on it. It's awesome. I enjoy a lot of early "rock and roll" groups...doo wop and r & b singers. The Clash are one of my favorite bands. Burt and I are big nerds about The Smiths and Pulp. Darren and Chris make fun of us for it. Everyone in the band really enjoys the releases from Dischord Records. Darren and I love Black Flag. We all have been going to shows on Long Island for years as well. There are a ton of great bands that have been from here in the last 20 years.

What sort of books are you interested in?

I am a fairly big reader. I am going to school to become an English teacher. Some of my favorite authors would be considered "post modern." My favorite book is V by Thomas Pynchon. I am not a big fan of some of his other books, but V to me has something very worthwhile to say. It also uses many references to film, music, and culture to create something new out of those references. It takes place during a time period I have studied a lot. 1950's America. I am fascinated by the idea of collage, the use of two or more ideas, objects, or pieces, to make something new that has a different meaning than the original pieces.

where does ES rehearse? you have your own plase or you go to rehearsal base?

We split our rehearsal time between my basement and a "pay by the hour" spot nearby where Darren lives in Queens near New York City.

Who are writting the lyrics, and who make the music?

I write the lyrics. The boys come up with the music. I usually have notebooks with a few lines here or there and then I figure out what fits best where on new songs the band writes

Which of ES song is most important for you, that has the lot of meaning? And have you got a song that now nothing means to you?
The most important song to me I would say is World War Three. I am proud of the fact that I was able to express certain feelings about being confused with what to do with my life in a way that others have told me they relate to. I also tried some sort of collage with images of watching different television shows in an attempt to demonstrate aimlessness, frustration, and boredom. World War Three itself is a reference to one of my favorite songs "paranoid chant" by the Minutemen. I took some lyrics from that song and changed them around to reflect how I feel about similar things. If you get a chance, you should really check out The Minutemen. They were all over the place musically and very intelligent and heartfelt lyrically. One of the truly innovative bands of the early american hardcore movement.
There aren't any songs that mean nothing to me, but the meanings have changed over the years. Although I may have thought of one thing when originally writing the song, playing it a certain amount of times, perhaps changing a word or phrase around changes how I feel about it.

Do you thing that in your lyrics and also in music you put all that you want, your thought and feelings?

I try to. I try to come off as genuine as I can in writing lyrics. There are a lot of topics I have not touched on, and our new songs will certainly touch on some of those ideas.

Something about your concerts. How often? What was the best for you? How many people visit it? Maybe you want to tell about some band that was playing with you. Have you got a tour in USA, maybe you going to europe?
We play roughly once a month. Usually they are with bands we are friends with. Some of my favorite bands to play with are the Weed Hounds, Iron Chic, Bastard Cut, Jonesin', the Fellow Project and Speed Speed Speed. One of my favorite shows was one I booked a few years ago. A good friend of the band's mother had died. We set up a show at a bar and a hundred and twenty people came to help our friend out and pay for the show. I was able to hand him all of the money we made at the door to help his family out. It felt good to be able to use this little scene of people into music to help someone out. Usually I like to bring snacks to the shows we play. It's a fun thing to do and a good way to make up for the fact that we might not be very good. One time I bought pizza for everyone who came to our show. That was fun. I really enjoy playing our friend Mike's house. He clears his living room out for bands to play in and it's always a real fun time. Mike is one of the best fellas around. He runs the record label Dead Broke Rekerds. He helped put our new record out. We all love Mike. As far as touring. We would love to be able to play a few shows outside of Long Island and New York City, but we all have pretty serious jobs, relationships, and family obligations. If everything worked out where we could go to Europe and have a few folks feed us and give us places to play we would do it in a heartbeat.

What is hardcore for you? And what is Everything Sucks for you?
Hardcore for me is just a word. I love so many bands that folks might call hardcore, but I try to just think of it in terms of "music I like." I don't like to put a stamp on something because there are so many things that come to mind when people say the word "hardcore" and not all of them are good things. I don't wish to be a part of those negative aspects. Also, I love so many things that have nothing to do with hardcore the way most people see it. I find about different bands every day and fall in love with them. Some of them are very heavy. Some of them aren't. Some of them are weird. Some of them aren't.
Everything Sucks is a good time for me. I get to write about my life and then shout what I've written at people. Some folks shout my words back at me. It's a cool feeling to see and hear that. It doesn't happen that often, but when it means a great deal to me. It's interesting to hear what the boys come up with musically as well. I get to dance around like an idiot when we play too. I'm kind of an awkward, odd, lame guy and I get to be as odd and lame as I want when I have a microphone.

Have you ever think, that you have missed something in your life?

I said before I spent years living with my grandparents. I miss my grandmother practically every second. She was a wonderful lady. She lived her life laughing and that is something I attempt to do. I would like to write much more about her, but I fear I won't do her justice just shouting about shit while loud music plays.

"...than to join the balding uncle brigade…sitting around bitching about everything."
what did you mean under
balding uncle brigade?
"sitting around bitching about everything" I understand as - people sitting in front of tv most of time and all the time tell bullshit about some of their surrounding. So that?
"balding uncle brigade" pretty much means just that: an army of middle aged uncles who maybe didn't amount to much in their own lives just sitting around talking bullshit about how they think people should act, or the country should be run, or their surroundings, or anything like that. the image is not based on anyone personally as all my uncles are pretty great fellas, but i do have this fear/vision that we can all become "balding uncles" if we're not careful. i don't know if that makes things any clearer, or confuses the matter more.

Maybe any member of ES is straightedge or vegetarian?
how do you feel about sxe and vegi?
Darren is straight edge. None of us are vegetarian. I feel that both are choices that should be made for the right reasons. I don't believe in doing drugs and drinking just because all of my friends are doing it. I also don't believe in not doing drugs and not drinking just because all of my friends are doing it. I eat meat, but I've had a lot of friends who do not. I've learned to make a few vegan friendly meals. There are all vegetarian places to eat which are delicious as well.

Tell something about scene in NY, it
relationship and about hc\punk crew.
The scene is interesting. There are so many different styles of music being played almost every night in both New York City and Long Island. The variety and diversity is great, but it can also be frustrating and depressing that the diversity isn't all happening at the same show, or that folks can be close minded to just how many different, great things are going on.

What do you feel about merch? Do you plan to make T-shirts, hoodies or longsleeves?

I think merch can be fun. We try to have fun designs on our shirts. We recently made a shirt of two rich fat cats eating hot dogs, which is a reference to one of our lyrics. It's a funny image, but it does sum up one of our songs nicely. Also, Darren's awesome girlfriend Charlotte designed it. She is one of my best friends and it's always nice to have good friends involved with helping your band. We don't plan on mass producing fifteen different shirt designs because I feel that sort of takes away from the band as a creative entity. We're not looking to cash in on selling shirts, we just want to make back the money we put into them. In order to keep the prices somewhat low, we don't put that much money into making different designs. If we invested in five different shirt designs, we would have to sell them for more money to make our money back. I'd much rather put my money into making another record, or feeding my dog.

What about - Star Wars by Matthew Brennan? I look up it at ES store. It is incarnation of your idea of collage, showing Star Wars on the other hand?

Star Wars was a zine I put out when the band first started compiling our lyrics, random lyrics we hadn't used yet, a few odd little stories, and some other writings. I called it Star Wars because we all thought it would be funny to have a little book called Star Wars that had nothing to do with the science fiction films. Also, growing up I was obsessed with Star Wars and still know way too much about the original movies than any grown man should. I keep meaning to do a new one with some of my friends doing illustrations for some story ideas I have, but I tend to get lazy about things sometimes.

And say a few words for Russian hc\punk kids please.
Hello Russian kids. I'm very glad to hear from your friend Vova. I think it's a great thing that you folks are into all sorts of music. Keep looking into different bands. Keep reading, keep listening, keep making your own music too. Good luck.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

reviews of things

iron chic-not like this

This record has cool doodly notes. The lyrics on this record are about being a person. Some of the subjects touched on seem very sad, almost fucked up in nature; but they are presented in such a way that makes them seem like the thoughts of every sad, almost fucked up person ever. There's an uplifting unity found in simply stating you're confused, frustrated, discouraged, and alive to other people in the same boat. Iron Chic have tapped into that unity in a way rarely heard or seen. Plus there are cool doodly notes going on in the background so it doesn't really bum you out too much. I'm not sure how they did it, but apparently the record has a chorus consisting of everyone who as ever patted anyone on the back ever shouting "whoooooaaaaaaa" from the first track through the record's end. It's a pretty cool thing to have on your record. Skinny kids take their shirts off and love the shit out of everyone when Iron Chic play. Fat kids do the same thing. It's very rare that the large and small can agree like they do over this band. This is the type of record that makes bands break up because they know they'll never be able to touch what this record touches. You can pre-order this here.

*editor's note: I always sing "couldn't conceive of moving into it." in that song about the basement and time and shit. I just think it's a cool line in the spirit of thinking about the past and how maybe one time you played in the basement or hung out or had band practice there...but never thought you'd end up living in a half finished basement or something. I know that's not the line, but it's just a thought. I'm not a nerd, or anything.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

word games special k edition

kevin in the afternoon
knockin' on kevin's door
up in kevin (not only here)
just like kevin
kevin 17
kevin is whenever
the girl who lives on kevin hill
downward is kevinward
to kevins
kevin inside you're hell
the barricades of kevin
for me this is kevin
kevinly arms
christmas in kevin
the kingdom of kevin must be taken by storm
all the things that go to make kevin and earth
kevin is a truck
south of kevin
evacuating kevin
monkey gone to kevin
kevin(a bunch)
near wild kevin
kevin & hell
sell my old clothes, i'm off to kevin
kevin here
tears in kevin
kevin knows i'm miserable now
kevin's pregnant teens
skag kevin
for kevin's sake
kevin for the weather
return to kevin
stairway to kevin
kevin is a place on earth
this could be kevin
kevin is a halfpipe
kevin for everyone
kevin and hell
something happened on the way to kevin
kevin on the 7th floor
i wish u kevin

Monday, July 26, 2010

reviews of things

Pregnant have a full length record up for pre-order. It's pretty great. They try to sing a little more than shout on a few songs. They re-recorded a few songs. Wanna See My Gun is not good as it was on the last release, but that's ok. Their live show is a bit chaotic, lots of jumping around and stuff. The band still rules. The song "You Think" might be better than the original recording of Wanna See My Gun. The whole record is streaming here.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

word games communist edition

crime in stereo is red
the queen is red
screaming red balloons
you are pregnant, you are red
murder me red
tell balgeary, balgury is red
redly melody
de la soul is red
the vultures ate my red ass up
i'll sleep when i'm red
drop red legs
red and gone
7 redly sins
the red (a whole bunch)
born red
better red than lead
red voices
red man's hand
your ex-lover is red
redship, darkship
red in a web
ex-nuns/red dogs
red air
red end justice
you're red
red red eyes
banging on a red drum
redbeat club
8 red boys
back from the red
already red
red billy
redly combination
born against are fucking red
red children
city of the red
the red dog laughing in the crowd
we are the red
red kennedys (ooooh good one)
the red milkmen
jean is red
red duck
kiss me redly
redbeat holiday
redtown nothing
red set on destruction
red(a bunch)
red presidents II (the sequel)
boyfriend's red
honey's red
cut red
red together
my mummy's red
red souls
red meat
red cities
red end street
left for red
refused are fucking red
light from a red star
red trees and traffic islands
day of redringers
red disco
red bent
the red heart
night of the living red
half red
red to the world
a kid who tells on another kid is a red kid
red man walking
in red sleep (i snore zzzz)
i wanna redbeat you
red plane
things i did when i was red
four redly venoms
red precedents
drop red
tell everyone we're red
red bodies
red sound
redly rhythm
red flowers
red end road
red and broken
red man's blues
three red sisters
the red c
red or alive
the earth is not a red cold place
grateful red
remove red birds
we were red before johnny marr played on our shitty record
red and lovely

Monday, July 19, 2010

reviews of things

Weed Hounds-Beach Bummed/Skating Away From The Cops

The beginning to Beach Bummed reminds me of that Silver Jews line "read the metro section, read the metro section..." it's just sort of the same pattern of notes or something. Skating Away From The Cops should have been the title theme to Pete and Pete. Best friend band. Purple vinyl on Iron Pier. Order it here. I think you can listen to it there for free as well.

reviews of things

obits free at a park in brooklyn-
july 18th 2010

Some fucking band played before Obits. I don't think Obits really wanted to be there. That's cool because I don't think I really wanted to be there. It sure was hot. A lot of people have tattoos. A lot of people have interesting clothes. People like beer. Concrete absorbs heat. A fella made fun of the sound and then Obits made fun of him. The sound could have used a bit of tweaking in all honesty. The band gave out supersoakers under the condition that no one would squirt them because they didn't feel like being squirted. They were squirted. My buddy Connor/Conor was able to get off work in time to catch a few Obits songs. They played I Can't Lose, which was fun to hear. I like Obits. The Murder City Devils played. Apparently they are back together again. People with tattoos are really excited about this. Their keyboard player smoked a lot of cigarettes. I think I knew more of the words to their songs than their lead singer did. I noticed this floppy kid flopping around on people's shoulders at one point during their set. I'm pretty sure he made out with a girl I dated once. That's cool. There was watermelon juice for sale, but it would have been better if there were watermelon shoes for sale. Connor/Conor is a great dude. People at his job don't tip him and they're dicks. These folks asked Darren and I if we were from Long Island because we were wearing shirts sold by Long Island bands. One of these folks had a Nirvana shirt on. I asked if she was from Seattle. She did not laugh. Vitamin Water were there being assholes. That fella from that Disnihil band was selling waters. Chris Enriquez sure knows everyone. The Murder City Devils covered The Birthday Party. I don't think they played that one song about forgetting things. Zico pomegranate flavored coconut water isn't very good. I know they call it an "ice cream headache," but I think I've only gotten the headache while eating slurpees and icee type things. Never from ice cream. Darren got me a vhs tape of Aerosmith making the video for Love in an Elevator. It's so fucked up.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

word games

shaving all my love for you
shaved (a bunch)
shaved by zero
somebody shave me
shave this for davis
someone shaved my life tonight
jennifer shave me
shave your generation
don't shave us from the flames
operation lifeshaver
shave yourself (a bunch)
get shaved
the sea and the lifeshaver
getting shaved
shave me (a bunch)
shaves the day
shave the life of my child
shave the last dance for me
shave the shave-ables
let's shave tony orlando's house
shave me shave me
god, shave the queen
shave it for me
shave the country
shave your kisses for me
the love you shave
shave your heart for me
shave the bones for henry jones (cause he don't eat no meat)
shave your sugar for me
shave the best for last
you shaved my soul
i'm shaving my love
thanks for shaving my life

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

letters that are fun to imagine existing

Dear Phil Lynott,

So you're busting out. Tonight there is going to be a jail break. You don't exactly specify where this jail break is going to happen, but I've put my deduction skills to work and can only conclude that it's going to happen at the jail. Also, if there are going to be searchlights on your tail you might not want to stop to hit on any good looking females in the area. You're racing towards freedom, not trying to catch the clap. Maybe your pursuit of the clap is the only true freedom. I don't know anymore.

Confused in County Killkenny

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Archie Bell and the Drells-More people should do the "Tighten Up"

William Bell-Motown was Stax for chumps.

Bell Biv Devoe-provocative pop pump.

Regina Belle-Grammys for Disney movie songs don't count.

Belle and Sebastian-I was the first person to ever listen to this band in college.

Jesse Belvin-Three dots and a dash is a great name for a band.

Belly-Throwing Muses were better.

Pat Benatar-The only person to ever survive Lindenhurst.

Tony Bennett-People at karaoke bars think they're him. They're probably right.

George Benson-He worked with cool folks, but I think he sucks.

Brook Benton-David Ruffin sung Rainy Night in Georgia better than him.

Berlin-That song about sex was pretty fucked up. The Metro still rules.

Chuck Berry-His cousin turned him onto this new sound he'd been looking for.

The B-52's-Fred Schneider buys light bulbs at Ikea. Anyone who plays the radio edit of Love Shack without the extended "Bang bang bang on the door" part is a chump.

Big Audio Dynamite-Mick Jones caught chicken pox from his daughter.

Big Black-Shellac is the best band Albini's done.

The Big Bopper-Lady Gaga's going to cover "The Purple People Eater Meets the Witch-Doctor." It's gonna suck.

Big Brother and the Holding Company-They played shows in the 90's. Imagine that shit. Just think about that happening. People paying money for it and shit. Jeez.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Everything Sucks' record is out. It's called "The Taxes in Texas."
Check it out.


Friday, January 1, 2010

rolling stones albums of the decade

People really are a bunch of dicks.

100. Leonard Cohen-10 New Songs
Apparently there were 99 albums better than this one released in the last ten years.

99. The Hold Steady-Almost Killed Me
This fella's your buddy or something. He shouts a few funny lines, pats you on the back, you both smile...and then you go listen to his old band.

98.TV on the Radio-Return to Cookie Mountain
Yeah, well, you know, whatever.

97.Wilco-Sky Blue Sky
Don't bands ever break up anymore?

96.The Streets-Original Pirate Material
I saw the video for Let's Push Things Forward in a finished basement with some pretty shitty people. It was great. I got the promo in the mail a week later. It was great.

95.Alicia Keys-Songs in A Minor
She bought a bunch of crab legs from my job. It was the night of the Mayweather-Marquez fight. She was having some folks over to hang and watch the fight. She asked for a specific type of hummus. We didn't have it, but I told her which store would. I didn't realize who she was until eight people told me once she walked out of the store. It was kind of like A and P, except not like A and P at all.

94.The Libertines-Up the Brackett
If you type "Up the Brackett" into google's search bar, it asks if you meant to type "Up the Bracket." No one at Rolling Stone uses google. Yeah, Doherty's a crazy dude and all, but most of his stuff rips. This record is no exception.

93.Johnny Cash-Unearthed
Great things shouldn't cost a hundred dollars. Also, when a fella dies; putting a first person song about being dead and buried as the first track on a boxed set called "Unearthed" is a pretty fucking creepy thing to do.

92.Bon Iver-For Emma, Forever Ago
There's one good song this guy does. It's about looking at bags of blood and making out in a car. It's not on this record.

91.The Hives-Veni Vidi Vicious
People still listen to the bands they ripped off. People are not still listening to them. They certainly dressed well.

90.Amadou & Miriam-Dimanche a Bamako
One, it's Mariam. Two, when you play with David Gilmour everyone loses.

89.Radiohead-Hail to the Theif
I like the song about flan and wolves.

88.Brian Wilson-Smile
"Brian Wilson's Smile rules. Not like his teeth, but that record."-Sean Brennan

87.Gnarls Barkley-St. Elsewhere
They wore clothes. They got folks to play a different Violent Femmes song on the jukebox than Blister In the Sun.

86.The Postal Service-Give Up
I can give you this one, but I ain't giving you Deathcab's continued existence and relevance.

85.Coldplay-Viva La Vida
Bunch of dicks.

84.Eminem-The Eminem Show
It's like Shoegaze meets Electroclash.

83.The Black Keys-Attack & Release
Better than the White Stripes.

82.Queens of the Stone Age-Rated R
I know coke is cool and all, but maybe it kind of isn't.

81.Ryan Adams-Gold
This kid at my old job got all mad about that New York song. It's a good thing he doesn't work at the job I have now. The muzak system plays it twice a day.

80.Kings of Leon-Youth and Young Manhood
The second full length is the best.

79.The New Pornographers-Electric Version
My grandmother danced to a band called The New Pornographers on more than occasion. I'm glad that's a true sentence.

78.Sufjan Stevens-Illinois
This wispy-dicked dude was never going to finish that 50 state thing.

77.Yo La Tengo-And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
bum bum ba bum baaa bum bum. Like Anthony Kiedis, but not a dickhead.

76.Sigur Ros-()
Folks get married to this.

75.Arcade Fire-Neon Bible
Is the next record going to be secretly about Billy Corgan?...wait a second. This means that Funeral is probably ranked higher on here. Funeral isn't half as good as this.

74.Red Hot Chili Peppers-Stadium Arcadium
Like Anthony Kiedis, but a dickhead. I still like to hear John Frusciante "sing" high "notes".

While Rush of Blood certainly cemented them amongst the stadium rock elite, Parachutes first introduced the world to Chris Martin and co. Their nuanced approach to crafting elegantly attractive art into pop music first took hold during the writing process for this debut. From the opening strums of "don't panic," through the jangly heartfelt balladeering of "yellow," to the piano driven croon and groove of "everything's not lost," they successfully submitted their application to the University of Mainstream Success. Time has only shown them to have passed with flying colors.

72.Franz Ferdinand-Franz Ferdinand
When that Take Me Out song slows down after the opening lines about leaving places with people, it almost sounds like the riff before the chorus on "if white america told the truth for one day its world would fall apart" from the holy bible by the manic street preachers. That riff reminds me of the drums at the beginning of "tommy gun" by the clash.

71.Bright Eyes-Lifted, or the Story is in the Soil, Keep Your Eart to the Ground
I feel like the song about drunk sex might have been a bit much. It also might have inspired a lot of people with glasses and scarves to contract sti's.

70.Sleater-Kinney-The Woods
This record rules.

69.Missy Elliott-Under Construction
Is this the one where Ludacris was a bus driver? I know it's the one where the elephant trumpet is used as a substitute for the word "dick"...I'm assuming it's dick. Maybe it's cock, or penis, or fella.

68.U2-How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
I think I saw them on this tour and Bono was shouting about Patti Smith. There's something to be said for a band talking about Patti Smith at the Garden. Keane opened for them. Keane isn't very good. People who like the Yankees called me a fag on the train ride home after this show.

She kind of smiles when she sings. It's great.

66.Antony & the Johnsons-I Am a Bird Now
My grandmother said he sounded like Johnnie Ray. Then she laughed a bunch.

65.Manu Chao-Proxima Estacion Esperanza
He doesn't wear undershirts.

64.Gillian Welch-Time the Revelator
Argument with David Rawlings not concerning Morrissey.

63.Kaney West-808s and Heartbreak
Go fuck and yourself.

62.Johnny Cash-American III:Solitary Man
Mercy Seat and I See A Darkness and Petty.

61.The Shins-Oh, Inverted World
This is the one that doesn't open with clapping.

60.Phoenix-Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
Too Young isn't on this record.

59.Interpol-Turn on the Bright Lights
Carlos D is a person.

58.Danger Mouse-The Grey Album
Is this legal?

57.Death Cab for Cutie-Transatlanticism
They still reissue this every two years with a new title.

56.Vampire Weekend-Vampire Weekend
The guy sung with Fucked Up.

55.Robert Plant and Alison Krauss-Raising Sand
The guy sung with Led Zeppelin.

54.Norah Jones-Come Away With Me
She invented the idea of forty year old people buying records. That idea was her invention.

53.Kings of Leon-Only By the Night
First, it sucks. Second, it came out in 2008 and all of these tools are calling it the album of 2009. Third, it sucks.

I love this shit. I've seen a bunch of shitty folks with hair being shitty folks with hair while this plays too, and I still love it.

51.Spoon-Kill the Moonlight
I'd like to see them live.

50.Bright Eyes-I'm Wide Awake It's Morning
I'm a guy living my life.

49.Fiona Apple-Extraordinary Machine
The day this came out, two awkward thirty something year old women with braces on their teeth came into my store to buy it. Two of them.

48.TV on the Radio-Dear Science
This band again.

47.Fleet Foxes-Fleet Foxes
They might as well just work for a car commercial company.

46.Justin Timberlake-FutureSex/LoveSounds
This record got even me laid. Not really, but...pretty much.

45.Kanye West-Graduation
The shitty Giants used that stronger song to get all excited about beating the Patriots. The Zack Galifinakis/Will Oldham video for "Can't Tell Me Nothing" is perfect.

44.System of a Down-Toxicity
When you say hardcore, I think this is what most of America thinks of. I think.

43.The Killers-Hot Fuss
The singer stole the instrumental tracks for "You Are the Quarry" from Boz Boorer at a Vegas restaurant. This record came out and they sucked live. Then he stole Springsteen's vocal approach and started making sick fucking records and probably rules live now.

42.Elliot Smith-Figure 8
I haven't listened to anything by him all the way through since he stabbed himself. I've been told some of the "unreleased" compilations have been pretty good though.

41.Arctic Monkeys-Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not.
The last track on this album lived up to the hype that the singles from this album got them. The singles didn't.

40.Kanye West-Late Registration
So, eight guest bars by Jay-Z gets you the fortieth ranking album of the aughts. Cool.

39.Kings of Leon-Aha Shake Heartbreak
High doodly notes. Accents. Using the word fag instead of cigarette. Yodelling without being an ass. Perfection. Also, this blog thing says Yodelling is incorrect spelling, but it isn't.

38.Ryan Adams-Heartbreaker
I can't listen to it without thinking of the dude smacking his kid in the head on the escalator in Old School, but that doesn't make it a bad record at all.

37.50 Cent-Get Rich or Die Tryin'
I got the edited version of this as a promo a few weeks before it came out. I drove around Nassau Community College parking lot blasting it out of my gigantic red Buick while laughing maniacally. My hair was pretty long if I remember correctly. Hard shit, man.

36.U2-No Line on the Horizon
If your sunglasses cost more than my grandfather made in his entire life, I don't think I want to listen to your songs anymore. They might be great songs. I know one of them is about sexy boots, or some shit. The vocals on the verses are like Subterranean Homesick Blues for people whose sunglasses cost more than my grandfather made in his entire life.

35.PJ Harvey-Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea
There's an acoustic version of that You Said Something song. She does "do do do doo doo" for the synth (or whatever it is) part.

34.Outkast-Speakerboxx/The Love Below
When Hey Ya first hit the airwaves, we all lost our shit. Then we heard it infinity times.

33.Daft Punk-Discovery
They're going to celebrate.

32.Lil Wayne-Tha Carter III
I'll never understand this.

31.My Morning Jacket-Z
Remember that Jade Tree Songs:Ohia split?

30.Radiohead-In Rainbows
How much would you like to pay to talk loudly about this record at parties?

29.Sigur Ros-Agaetis Byrjun
hoodelaigin linelnguuuuuurnin

28.Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Fever to Tell
So this record comes out and there's a girl driving to your house to roll around with you in between trips to her actual boyfriend's house on a fairly regular basis. Things get a little out of hand and you're pretty much a walking Cusack movie after about a year or so. You stumble upon a section of the internet in which that actual boyfriend has posted that Maps song as some sort of statement to this girl. In this case they actually do love you like someone else loves you. That was awhile ago. Everyone bought this record. Everyone.

27.The Flaming Lips-Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
Drugs happen.

26.Cat Power-The Greatest
Lived in bars is one of the best songs I've ever heard.

We get it.

24.Bruce Springsteen-Magic
It kind of sounds like if the replacements "made it" and didn't break up. You might scoff and get all lame about it, but search your feelings, you know it to be true.

This is the one with the video they play in Undeclared.

22.Green Day-American Idiot
It kind of sounds like if Green Day "made it" and didn't break up.

21.Coldplay-A Rush of Blood to the Head
I give up.

20.The White Stripes-White Blood Cells
Hotel Yorba...catchy as hell. It's funny how "unsaved" rock and roll still is though.

19.Amy Winehouse-Back to Black
She sung the shit out of this shit.

18.MGMT-Oracular Spectacular
Headbands sort of upset me.

17.Beck-Sea Change
It's not Deborah, but it'll do.

Almost as good as the chicken noodle soup dance.

15.Bruce Springsteen-The Rising
Four songs on this record have made me cry. Either they're great songs, or I have some sort of emotional defect.

14.Jay-Z-The Black Album
He was only joking. Now he knows how Joan of Arc felt.

13.U2-All That You Can't Leave Behind
When The Patriots score touchdowns they play elevation.

12.LCD Soundsystem-Sound of Silver
Pretty good, but not like really all that good really or something.

11.Bob Dylan-Love and Theft
You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.

10.Kanye West-The College Dropout
watch this please.

Straight to Hell by The Clash is one of the best songs ever.

8.Bob Dylan-Modern Times
The recent "post bolo-tie bob" records all have their special something. David Fricke loves the shit out of them.

7.Eminem-Marshal Mathers L.P.
A lot of people bought this record. That's cool.

6.Arcade Fire-Funeral
Neon Bible is so much better than this record.

5.The White Stripes-Elephant
The song about the buttons is a great song about buttons.

4.Jay-Z-The Blueprint
It'd be number 1 if it didn't make Kanye West a guy who does things.

3.Wilco-Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
If Jesus, Etc. wasn't on it I would be able to listen to this album from start to finish. Also, Costello beats Tweedy in lyrical use of the word "reservations."

2.The Strokes-Is This It?
The second record is better.

1.Radiohead-Kid A
I saw Penn State Sorority girls grind dance to this record at a St. Patrick's fraternity party in State College. I made a big deal of how fucking great this record was to my high school crush trying to impress her when I came home from college. I hadn't even heard more than two songs of it at that point. She was not impressed. Maybe the Rolling Stones folks are trying to impress the girls they dug in high school maybe. I don't really know. I later rolled around with a girl who has a Radiohead tattoo and she made a big deal about how fucking great this record was. I was not impressed.