Tuesday, January 13, 2009

2008: Selected Selections

These are the top fifty albums of 2008 as chosen by Rolling Stone magazine. My thoughts on each record's place in the world appear underneath the record listing. It's fun to do things.

1-tv on the radio: dear science
They say "bumpa bah bah bah." It's pretty fun to think about that.

2-bob dylan: tell tale signs
Extra songs from Oh Mercy and Time Out of Mind. It's pretty fun to think about Daniel Lanois when he wasn't trying to be a tool.

3-lil' wayne: tha carter III
Sometimes you try to be serious, but you have a voice that makes it impossible. Maybe that's the whole joke or whatever. I don't get it.

4-my morning jacket: evil urges
Paul Mccartney was amazed too...maybe.

5-john mellencamp: life, death, love and freedom
With the exception of "Born to Run" by Bruce, "Mellow Yellow" by Donovan, and "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys; the song I recall being played most on my father's living room record player before I turned ten was that one by johnny cougar about raining on scarecrows and shit. It ruled. (ps. this is a pretty decent record. it's got a few good nods to bruce and dylan. it's also one of the last records my grandmother asked me to buy for her.)

6-santogold: santogold
My good friend Charlotte and I realized how much we really, really liked this at exactly the same time. That isn't a hundred percent true, but it makes for a good sentence. Get the Top Ranking Diplo Mixtape.

7-coldplay: viva la vida
One of the more depressing things I have to deal with in my life is when people I respect and consider close friends tell me they enjoy this band.

8-beck: modern guilt
There are very tall bartenders who wear glasses and have beards. Not only do these bartenders love this record, they also give you free drinks if you play any Built to Spill song on the jukebox. Consider yourselves advised.

9-metallica: death magnetic
It doesn't matter. And the only time it did, you were ten years old.

10-vampire weekend: vampire weekend
When it first came out, I was waiting for a lot of people to get home from the hospital. I sat up playing video games with this record on repeat every night for two weeks. I have not really listened to it since then, besides that "kids don't stand a chance" song. I like that song.

11-fleet foxes: fleet foxes
It matters, but you're only ten years old.

12-guns and roses: chinese democracy
Go fuck yourselves

13-blitzen trapper: furr
Bearrded and Borring

14-ryan adams and the cardinals: cardinology
Dear Flyin' Ryan, if you insist on putting out so many records, please make one or two of them suck so I can save some money. Sincerely, Matthew.

15-the black keys: attack and release
It sounds too pretty.

16-randy newman: harps and angels
He said "arrhythmic."

17-b.b. king: one kind of favor
I remember he did some "riding with the king" bullshit with the slowhand himself Eric Clapton. This is a million times better than that was.

18-lucinda williams: little honey
It's a long way to the top if you want to wear way too much eyeliner. Her voice sounds great. The band sounds great. Sorry I made fun of your eyeliner, Lucinda.

19-erykah badu: new amerykah part 1
Sometimes you try to be serious, and your great voice and awesome friends make impossible things sound serious.

20-kings of leon: only by the night
You know, I could use somebody who doesn't blatantly (and i'm assuming knowingly) rip somebody else off (m83).

21-kaiser chiefs: off with their heads
They still exist, huh?

22-jackson browne: time the conquerer
If your mom was a dude who couldn't get laid anymore she/he would write this record. Your dad doesn't give a shit.

23-conor oberst: conor oberst
Your dad doesn't give a shit. Unless your dad is Bruce Springsteen, then your dad is just pretending to like conor oberst so you don't scream "I hate you! I wish I was never born!" at him.

24-girl talk: feed the animals
Are you sure you can't sue him? Seriously?

25-the magnetic fields: distortion
We walked alone in the rain and lightning when you were my baby. So much in love it was almost frightening when you were my baby. Everybody called you a fool when you wouldn't play by the rules. Everybody was wrong. There was nowhere to run away to when you were my baby. Everybody began to hate you when you were my baby. Time wasn't on our side. Me and my foolish pride. Then I said goodbye. Now you've gone away and left me on my own. Now I'm walking down the highway all alone on a rainy night and crying out my eyes, crying out my, crying out my eyes. We were young, yeah, but old enough to...when you were my baby. I just couldn't help but love you when you were my baby. Just the way you wore your hair and the way you just didn't care and the way you danced when you were my baby...those days are goooooooone.

26-mudcrutch: mudcrutch
I was going to complain about not being able to find the "she's the one" soundtrack with that sick fucking song "walls(circus)" by Petty on it, but it would be unfounded because it really only took me like an hour to find. This whole internet world has made me impatient. I apologize. Petty still rules by the way.

27-brian wilson: that lucky old sun
He played here on Thanksgiving. Maybe if he plays on a day when people can go next year I will be able to see him.

28-the knux: remind me in three days...
I work right across a hallway from a Starbucks. I get myself their lemonade type drinks a lot. My manager has me get him his absurd coffee drink sometimes. If I see a co-worker having a bad time of it, I will probably purchase them a coffee. Bottomline is I am there a lot and the people that work there know me and carry on random small talk conversations. I am pretty sure if i walked in and responded "fresh fresh cappuccino with a mocha twist!" when asked for my order, they would cut the small talk. One day soon...

29-bon iver: for emma, forever ago
Still bearded, less boring than some other "weird" beards.

30-duffy: rockferry
Hi, I'm Bernard Butler and I am a dick.

31-mgmt: oracular spectacular
Their band name makes me think of bosses I don't like. Their music makes me think "People know Marc Bolan existed, right?" I like Destroyer though and he's just as lame as these folks.

32-jamey johnson: that lonesome song
He means it. That's all you can ask for.

33-ne-yo: year of the gentleman
He wrote "irreplaceable." These songs sound like Real Talk if Real Talk wasn't fantastic.

34-stephen malkmus: real emotional trash
It feels like Wowee Zowee type things in parts. It's fucking great.

35-nick cave and the bad seeds: dig, lazarus, dig!!!
I dig it.

36-the hold steady: stay positive
Hey guys, I like cigarettes, hooks, and keyboards too.

37-nine inch nails: the slip
I don't want to alarm anyone, but it has been brought to my attention that sometimes when you are on a major label, it might not be the funnest thing. It seems that major labels and people in suits really enjoy money. These labels and suits would rather have money than "creativity." I know, I know...the world is a cruel place.

38-ra ra riot: the rhumb line
Better bands covered Kate Bush. Better bands have deader drummers too.

39-taylor swift: fearless
If "Hey Stephen" was about Morrissey it'd be good.

40-jonas brothers: a little bit longer
I met some people in the city to see a show on the same day that these kids played Madison Square Garden. Traffic was stopped as a parade of SUV's charioted the Brothers towards the Garden. My friend Joe and I had no clue who was in the SUV's. Girls were screaming everywhere. I saw what looked like Bob Dylan's shadow behind the window of one of the cars. I was confused. "Why are these fifteen year old girls in Jonas Brother's t shirts going apeshit over Bob Dylan?" Two woman of what appeared to be Russian decent approached Joe and I to ask us who were the people going to crazy over. "It's either Bob Dylan, or the Jonas Brothers," I informed them. They asked me who Bob Dylan was. I said, "He's this fella that made people feel pretty bad about some things, but pretty good about other things." They then asked if there were flowers in Madison Square Garden.

41-ac/dc: black ice
I haven't heard it, but I know if I was to be the type of person who jogged every day, or every other day; I would certainly be listening to it. I cannot stress that enough. If you excercise, do it to ac/dc.

42-david byrne and brian eno: everything that happens will happen today
I think Byrne is playing the Garden soon. I wonder how many people will crowd around him as he walks to the building.

43-nas: untitled
Nas has never been anything more than average. He does not interest me on the pants shitting level he seems to interest a lot of people I know. There are countless other "hip hop" artists that do interest me on this level. I doubt he will ever be one of them. The record has a few good lines.

44-the racontuers: consolers of the lonely
Jack White has never been anything more than average. He does not interest me on the pants shitting level he seems to interest a lot of people I know. There are countless other "fake blues tinged rock" artists that do interest me on this level. I doubt he will ever be one of them. The record has a few decent riffs.

45-be your own pet: get awkward
We made a song called get awkward like ten years before these kids were born. Every single song on this record sounds the same. It isn't a terrible song by any means, but it hurts after awhile. Their singer is "crazy" and just "goes fucking nuts, man." Siiiiiiiiiiick.

46-the acadamy is...:fast times at barrington high
I know I am not an eighteen year old girl in a FallOutBoy hoody. I know I have no piercings and only one noticeable tattoo. I know my screen name isn't em0roxx91. I know I don't own a scarf. I know I weigh roughly one hundred and seventy six pounds. I know I like my parents. I know I don't own flourescent tank tops. I know I can see clearly without having to move any hair from in front of my face. I know I don't use many accessories in general. What I'm getting at is, I know I am none of the things you would be attracted to, but if I slept with you...with any of you...with all of you...would you feel complete? Would it be enough for you to no longer exist as a musical entity? Would you no longer have to write these songs and play these shows? I am willing to make this sacrifice.

47-of montreal: skeletal lamping
When I dropped acid all that happened was I sat listening to The Smiths at a bar that was playing old British spy movies on all of their tvs. Half of the people there had fake British accents and the other half were in the bathroom blowing lines (there wasn't a door, so I know it for a fact). This girl I had a mega crush on tried to get me to dance with her, but I was seventeen and she was twenty two and had given me a hit, or a tab, or whatever the kids call it nowadays. I couldn't deal with anything. I stayed up all night in the living room of her apartment. I didn't have any money to get home on the train from Brooklyn the next day. This girl's roommate lent me ten dollars I think. That debt remains unpaid.

48-raphael saadiq: the way i see it
Tony! Toni! Tone! has done it again. I'm almost certain this record has a xylophone on it.

49-hot chip: made in the dark
So you're saying that even this was better than the last Silver Jews record?

50-no age: nouns
Wives were one of my favorite bands. The picture of the tapes in the layout made me smile so much. Summer soundrack...one hundred percent.

1 comment:

  1. On your comment about Jack White... Have you seen Coffee & Cigarettes? I think the coolness factor of the Tesla coil should and being in the same indie film (albeit in a different scene) with Iggy Pop should raise his NiceGuy rating at least a little...